“Does “hope” mean something like, if I have a tablecloth on this table and I set it with dishes, I hope it looks pretty?”
The theme for this week at the SafeHouse is “Plans, Future and Hope” based on Jeremiah 29:11. Today is the 2nd day for this semester and my second day on the job. The girls were in the midst of their group project using this theme and one of them asked me the above question after reading the verse. The 2nd girl in the same group then mustered up courage to ask me what the word “future” means exactly, according to the verse.
I was glad that they had the courage to ask and did not feel embarrassed about it.
Since working with street people in Lima, my husband and I have come to the realization that when working with street people, guys or girls alike, we cannot use vocabulary that is too “high”. Most of them have the education level of an 8th grader or less and most can’t read or write properly. Some are illiterate. I am thankful that none of the women in the SafeHouse is illiterate, but none of them find it easy to read or write. Some words really confuse them. In teaching the Word of God, my husband and I have learned to use parables of situations and things in their daily life, explained with the simplest words and definitely no “Christianese”. The bibles we use are contemporary bibles and some might argue that certain translated versions do not come close to the original but, I would rather that the understanding of the Word gets into their heart than have them read the spanish version of the King James and not understand anything that they are reading. We then explain every word that might seem difficult taking no word for granted so that the people understand.
I have heard some people preach to or talk to people who work the streets or live on them and preach as though they are preaching to a church congregation that has existed for 20 years. Most street people will just pretend to understand and will either walk away at the end of it or agree to everything the preacher says without a complete understanding so as not to offend someone they perceive as being more educated than them.
We, as Christians, need to learn to get to the level of the people we are reaching out to. We cannot assume that everyone has gone to church and have heard preachings about Paul, Peter, Deborah and Jesus. Depending on where and to whom we are teaching, preaching or sharing the Word of God with, we need to get to the level of the people and how they understand things. Oftentimes, we are accustomed to speaking in a certain way as Christians that we forget that the rest of the world has no idea of what or whom we are talking about.
We forget to ask if they understand us.
We forget to assure that asking questions is welcomed.
We forget to listen in our zeal to speak.
Just like the Ethiopian eunuch to whom Philip was sent to explain the Word of God, so many do not understand the Word even if they do read it. I remember as a teen, I would constantly fall asleep every time I started reading the bible. How then, can people understand what has been given to them for free through love and grace if they cannot understand what they are reading?
All of us, like Philip, have been sent into the various parts of the world (our neighbourhoods, schools, towns, worksites, families, friends, a different province or state, or a different country) to do as Philip did with all the Ethiopian eunuchs in the world hungry to understand what the Word of God says but not understanding it and carrying in their minds a negative misconception about it. Just like Jesus used parables of everyday customs in the Jewish culture of that day to teach in simple ways that were easily understood, so must we ask for wisdom to know how we can share the Word of God in various formats to the people around us so that they can understand.
We need to get down to the level of the people and not expect them to come up to our level. This does not meant that we dilute the Word or change it. Jesus’ example is one we need to learn from.
“I will abundantly bless her provision; I will satisfy her poor with bread.” Psalm 132:15 (NKJV)
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (ESV)
What comfort there is in knowing that our God will provide for our every need!! It is a safety net I gladly accept. He will feed the poor and help us through every adversity. We merely need to pray and wait for Him to work. Answered prayers are answered in His time and in His way. Therefore, have faith and trust He will provide. It is a promise!
Paul writes in Philippians 4:11 that contentment occurs when we learn to be satisfied with every situation and circumstance. How is it then that God promises to provide for our needs and yet Paul speaks of being hungry? God provided many trials for Paul to test his faith and love for Him. God’s provision was a supernatural strength that enabled Paul to withstand the hardships.
If you are experiencing financial hardship, there will be provision. He will feed you and clothe you. He may be putting you through a test of humility, but there is the encouragement that says humility comes before honor.
During my recent medical trial, I lost my job, house, and health insurance. Faithfully, God provided for my every need. I had to do my homework but I qualified for a medical assistance program called Prescription Hope. Having this need met provided me with a greater hope for my future. They have paid for my insulin, a very expensive drug but necessary for diabetics. The Lord has also provided jobs for me, and a house with a mortgage I can afford.
When we are in the middle of a trial and issues are whipping around us like debris in a tornado, it is hard to calm our anxieties. Even so, make an effort to breathe and ask God to quiet your anxious thoughts. When you can take even a minute to petition the Father, help is on the way.
The enemy wants to use the chaos and fear to devastate you, so fight back!! The children of God are not to be lukewarm. Put on the armor of Christ so that you can be Christ minded and identify the lies of the enemy. Ephesians 6:10 commands us to “be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.” The word STAND is written four times in verses 6:11-14 of Ephesians. When a word is repeated that many times we ought to make a note of it and do what it commands.
I urge you to stand against your worries and frets today. I encourage you to stand on the promises of God, including the one stating He will provide for you needs and give you strength. No adversity or test is sent your way that cannot be overcome with the provisions of your Father.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)
“Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?” Luke 12:25 (NKJV)
“Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you’” Hebrews 13:5 (NAS)
“casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
This past weekend we spent some time with family who live on the water. Our whole family loves to visit for various reasons. My favorite place in this world is the beach and so I love going there. The kids love fishing off the dock. They catch and release little fish and love the experience. I’m excited that they are finally at a point where they can do everything themselves. They cut the bait; put it on the hook and fish away. They have even gotten to the point that they can get the caught fish off the hook and return him to his life under the sea. The other day I was sitting out there watching them while I read and prayed. I was actually praying and asking God to give me some devotionals for this week when my son came and asked me for help. He had tangled his line. This was no small tangle and he had tried to undo the mess, but he just couldn’t and came to me for help.
Now, I have to confess I was a smidge irritated. Here I was asking for some divine intervention so I could write a devotional and my son interrupts. I cut him some slack because he didn’t know what I was praying about or even that I was praying. As far as he was concerned, I was just watching them fish. But, I have to be honest when I say that I just didn’t want to be bothered. Well, being a Mom, I looked at his mess and started to access it. I quickly realized this was going to take some time. It was knotted in several places and I had to be careful the hook wouldn’t cut me. And so, carefully I started to unwind the fishing line. I was careful to see where each piece had knotted and wound around another pulling on the twine trying to make it straight again. It took a while and halfway through, my son came to me and made the comment, “I really made a mess of things. I don’t know if you can fix it.” I responded by saying “It’s okay honey. These things happen. I can fix it. Don’t worry.” Then he walked away and busied himself with something else while I worked on the fishing pole.
As this whole event was transpiring, I realized this was the devotional I was praying for. We make such a mess of our lives sometimes. We screw up, a lot. We make mistakes. We become tightly wound and knotted up in our own sin. But when we bring it to God, He doesn’t send us away to fix it ourselves. No, He gently starts to unravel the mess we have made. He doesn’t get tired of working on us because we are His passion. He wants us to be whole. He wants us to be healthy. He wants us to be okay. But He pushes Himself on no one. We have to be the ones to come to Him with the messes we have made so He can fix them. And just like a Mom trying to reassure her son, God reminds us that everything’s going to be okay. He can fix anything. Some messes take longer than others, but they can still be fixed.
I love that God delights in helping us. I love that God takes joy in fixing our messes. It’s not because He’s an arrogant God. It’s because it’s during those times of stress and screw ups that we finally realize we have come to the end of ourselves and we need a Savior. We need a Healer. We need a Provider. God is all of those things and He loves when we come to Him, hearts in hand asking to be fixed. He never does it begrudgingly. He always does it with love and compassion.
During this summer, I have spent some time clearing out a worship spot at my house in the back of our woods. I must say, I really enjoyed doing it. I wanted a spot that I could go and spend time with God in solitude. I gathered old down trees to use for seating, found various pieces of old furniture to place back there, and Tiki Torches to help keep away bugs. In the middle I built a good-sized fire pit for bonfires. The other evening I went out to that spot to spend some time with God. My brother was with me and we were trying to light the fire. The pit had quite a bit of wood in it so if we ever got it lit, it would be a very big and nice fire. The problem was we couldn’t get the fire lit. Granted the top pieces were a little wet, but the rest of the pile was dry, so we didn’t think it would be much of a problem. We had pieces of cardboard to help start the fire, but it didn’t work. We lit some of the dry leaves in the midst of the sticks, but it didn’t work either. We even found some straw to light to help with the process, but all it did was burn. It didn’t stay lit and the fire died quickly. So finally after much frustration, we got the gasoline. Now, I realize this is not the smartest choice nor safest, but I wanted a fire! Luckily nothing bad happened! So we light a few more pieces of cardboard and paper just enough to keep it a flame for a few minutes. Then we doused the places we didn’t have lit with some gasoline so with the fire caught it, it would light up. The finally we applied the gasoline on the flames that were going and instantly, the fire went ablaze. We experienced the thrill of getting our fire lit and the fire was glorious…for about ten minutes. But soon, that gasoline had burnt away, the wood had never really caught a flame, and the fire died out again quickly. Now I realize that there are better ways to light a fire, and if I did some other things I could have probably got that fire going. However, I’m glad I tried to light the fire the way I did because God used it to teach me something.
When the fire began to die out again, I was getting kind of irritated. Then I felt God speak to my heart saying, “I need people who will tend and stir the fire, not just light it.” I immediately knew what God was saying to me. In order to keep a fire going, you have to constantly add fire to the pile, you have to stir the fire to keep the fire going, and you have to watch it. Gasoline is a nice help, but it is only a temporary fix. It only lasts for a moment. It looks glorious and the flames are huge, but they don’t have much life. God doesn’t need followers who will be like the gasoline. Who will become very passionate and devoted to God one day, and have a devotion to Him that dies at the end of the week. He wants followers who will fan the flames. Who will keep the fire going, even if that means taking longer steps in doing so. Followers who will spend the extra time in prayer, reading of His Word, and living out the life He calls His people to.
I think you would be very hard pressed to find a church, if you asked them, would not want to see people come to know Christ. I mean, that’s just a ludicrous thought. The Church may have many different denomination and beliefs of theology, but I don’t really think there are many people in the Church who do not want to see souls saved. In fact if there are any, I really think those people need to evaluate their life and see if the are in step with the Spirit. But all too often the Church tries to witness to the world with gasoline. With big and glorious displays of various ministries, emotional appeals, etc. Those of you who serve the Lord know exactly what I’m talking about. But those things don’t last. People who come to the Lord on those terms won’t last unless that fire is cultivated. Unless their flames are stirred and wood is added to the fire. If the Church and Christians want to set this world on fire, we first have to cultivate the fire in our own hearts, then also be willing to take the time to minister properly and effectively to help keep the fire lit the hearts of others as well. Jesus told His followers that they will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon them and they will be His witnesses. The Holy Spirit gives Christians the power to witness to others about Jesus powerfully. God is the source of that fire. I pray that believers everywhere will submit to the Holy Spirit and allow God move in their hearts. I also pray that Christians all over the world will fan into flame the gifts of God and take the steps necessary to keep that flame going. When the fire rises true and proud, the world around us will catch fire too. Don’t use the gasoline. Cultivate that fire.
“Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands.” ~2 Timothy 1:6
“Fire must be kept burning on the altar continually; it must not go out.” ~Leviticus 6:13
I was thinking recently. Yeah, I know…amazing right?
No, but seriously. I was thinking about how people in the Church today will separate themselves completely from another Christian who commits or is trapped by sin. Or maybe they try to help, but instead just try to find the easy fix. I started thinking, “Well, that can’t be Biblical, can it? Jesus commands us to love one another and be unified in the Body of Christ. And that is true. I started reading Francis Chan’s book, Multiply. In that he said something that I already knew, but it was still just as profound. He said:
“Or when we learn that a friend is struggling with sin, we are quick to explain why that sin is harmful and tell her we will pray for her (whether we follow through or not). But how many of us would take her struggle with sin so seriously that we would walk with her as she works through the issues involved?”
Yes, the Bible is clear that sin needs to be corrected. But it doesn’t end there. We can’t “correct them” and then condemn them. You see, there’s a difference between judgement and correction. Judgment brings condemnation down on the person being judged. Correction is done out of love with the hope of redemption. It’s like a parent. They may spank their son or daughter for hitting someone. A good parent doesn’t spank out of anger. A loving parent will spank (or use other forms of discipline) out of love for the child and to correct a wrong behavior. But the parent continues with loving that child.
It’s the same way with Christians. Yes, we are to correct each other’s sinful behavior. But you had better do it purely out of love and you had better be willing to walk through the issue with them in order to bring them to redemption. I think part of the problem is that many believers don’t want to get “dirty.” They don’t want to be associated with someone who has a sin exposed to the public. It’s the same attitude some have towards non-believers. They don’t want to be seen with the “undesirables.” It might ruin their reputation. Then tell me, how are you supposed to evangelize and disciple them if you don’t associate with them? If they won’t come in to the church, you bring it to them. How can your Christian brother or sister be brought back to the cross if you want to find a quick fix or just blow them off completely? Galatians 6:1-2 says:
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Carry each other’s burdens. That will likely require you to be seen with the “undesirable.” But the attitude I mentioned above is exactly the attitude the Pharisees had. Did you know Jesus had more of problem with the “religious” people than he did with the sinners?
It’s time we get over ourselves and be willing to walk through thick and thin with our fellow believers.
Some time in your life, God will direct you into unknown territory. He will most likely ask you to walk away from the comfort of routine and the known. A door will open and you will hear God’s loving voice asking you to trust Him with your future. Stepping out in a new direction, on a different path, to a new destination will take all the faith you have, but Proverbs 3:5-6 assures you that He will direct your path. He will be your guide. You may not see very far ahead of you, but you will know where to place your feet so that you don’t stumble and fall.
Do not lean on your own understanding when He asks you to walk down a new path. His ways and thoughts are so much higher than your own. Think about Joshua and the instructions God gave him regarding the walls of Jericho. March around one time for 6 days and on the 7th day march around the city seven times and then give a big shout. Boy, this took faith! What seemed like nonsense to Joshua was really a test of faith.
Joshua’s obedience to God’s instructions paid off. The walls fell down and the people of God were able to enter the city. Victory was theirs, thanks to their reliance in God and a willingness to follow seemingly senseless directions. Faith will carry you far into unknown territories.
If the Father has opened a new door for you to pass through, acknowledge Him and trust that He has prepared you for what lies ahead. You are already well equipped to meet anything set before you. Although you may not understand why you must move forward and leave behind what is comfortable, have confidence that God has plans to prosper you. He prunes His vines so that they bear more fruit. Your new future will provide opportunities for you to add to the glory of His kingdom.
“For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become His counselor?? Romans 11:34 (NKJV)
“On the seventh day, they got up at daybreak and marched around the city seven times in the same manner, except that on that day they circled the city seven times. The seventh time around, when the priests sounded the trumpet blast, Joshua commanded the army, ‘Shout! For the Lord has given you the city!’” Joshua 6:15-16 (NKJV)
If we listen to the voices talking around us on a daily basis, we will find ourselves slowly being covered over with a blanket of doubt, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, disappointment and despair. In the guise of informing us, they speak of the hopelessness of the world we live in, of our surroundings, our neighbourhoods and within our own homes. Our curious minds want to know more, so we seek more information.
Doom and gloom. Doom and gloom.
A drizzle of doubt then falls over the fertile soil of our hearts and fear settles into the comfy cushions made available for it, making itself comfortable for the long haul. Anxiety curls up at the window seat, watching into the darkness for events that could and might happen. As the light gets snuffed out, the thick blanket of despair tucks everyone in, all snug in the beds of uncertainty.
I listened today to a well meaning voice give counsel about things I wanted to learn about. Yet, hurt by much, this voice could only share doubt, fear and anxiety. I was once there myself, so I know. It is true when the bible says that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. A heart filled with hope, joy, love and peace from knowing the Saviour will overflow into the mouth that will also speak forth life and blessing. A heart that does not know the Saviour will only speak forth the despair and death that is in its heart. Even a Christian who knows the Lord can be hurt badly and if his heart is not healed, will also spew forth the poisoned pain that is within.
As I listened to this voice talk, I realized that I was becoming fearful of what it was saying and doubtful that my husband and I are in God’s perfect will.
It wasn’t until I got home that the Lord spoke to me from 2 sources. One, was from Proverbs 10; verses that state that the Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, that blessings crown the head of the righteous, that the man of integrity walks securely, that the righteous stand firm forever, that the fear of the Lord adds length to life, that the prospect of the righteous is joy, that the way of the Lord is a refuge for the righteous and that the righteous will never be uprooted.
We are made righteous by the blood of Christ. We fit into those promises.
The 2nd source was a reminder of a movie my husband and I had watched. In it, the dad teaches his son that to battle an extraterrestrial monster, he had to choose not to fear. That fear was a choice as the monster smelled fear and preyed on this fear to destroy humans. If there was no fear, the monster could not detect the human and could easily be killed. The monster generated fear in humans by traps that it put up.
Sounds familiar?
The bible says that the spirit of fear is not from the Lord (2 Timothy 1:7) so that means it comes from our enemy, satan. The enemy baits us with thoughts, well meaning voices as well as the material we see and read to cause us to fear. Once we have fear making itself comfortable on the couches of our hearts, we are easy prey for the enemy to destroy us. Maybe he does not destroy us the way the monster in the movie did, he is more subtle. He destroys our peace, our joy, our hope, our future. With a seed of fear, we become paralyzed, have anxiety and panic attacks and start to forget Who we have on our side.
We can choose to not fear, by not listening to the voices that tell us to.
We can choose to hear the correct voice; the voice that brings life, joy, truth, hope and a future.
The bible tells us that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. We can place our faith in what the wrong voices say and believe them. Or we can place our faith in what God says and believe Him.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NIV)
“Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)
We are given a clean slate in this life when we give our hearts to God and believe that Jesus died for our sins. Better still, through the gift of prayer, we can confess any future sins. There is a supernatural eraser that continually cleans transgressions from the whiteboard of our life. We are met with a new day and a fresh start with each dawn. We have so many opportunities to get back on the path of righteousness.
Since God promises to cast ALL of our sins as far as the east is from the west, why do we insist on carrying around guilt? Romans 8:1 assures us that, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Why must we lug around unnecessary baggage?
You are fighting a supernatural battle while living on earth. Christians do not fight simply humans during war. In fact, according to Ephesians 6:12 Christians “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” The *devil wants to throw your past sins back in your face. He will persistently try to convince you that the offenses from your past have caused damage beyond repair, rendering you useless in the service of God’s army.
Baggage weighs us down. It also slows us down. 1 Peter 5:7 instructs us to CAST our anxieties to God. Casting is the act of hurling or pitching something away. To be perfectly clear, we are to forcefully throw something in a specific direction…… and that direction is heaven. Our God is an excellent baseball player. He will catch your “Burden Balls” and toss them over to God so that He can help ease your anxiety. Jesus will also catch your balls of confessed sins and toss them to the east or to the west, where they will never be seen or remembered ever again.
Regrets, sorrow, and fear are also examples of extra luggage that slows us down in our spiritual journey. We need to get rid of these bags as soon as we can, but some will be easier to toss to God than others. Sorrow and grief like to hang around for a long time and it takes great faith to let them pass from our grips. Time will help in the healing process but some baggage may unexpectantly reappear during our journey to the High Places and mountaintops of God.
Whatever your burden may be, consider tossing it to God. Believe in the promise that once your sins have been confessed they are tossed into a sea of forgetfulness. Believe that you are a new creation and that your past mistakes do not define who you are or whether you are of any use to God. Believe there are others who want to help carry your burdens when they are too heavy for you to bear. Believe that your extra baggage is hindering your walk. *satan will try to interfere with God’s plans by convincing you that you are chained to the luggage, but you are not! Cast it to Him and find a simple back pack to carry your essentials up the mountain He is leading you to today.
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22 (NKJV)
A Plague of Flies of Biblical Proportions (Sort Of)
Ah Friday. Friday is writing day around here, and it’s Friday at last. Friday is the one day of the week everyone is supposed to leave me alone,
to write.
So I rolled out of bed thinking I was headed for the laptop until enough fog cleared from my head, for me to remember, Kathy is out of town. She’s in Portland with a mom, two daughters, and a sister, doing some kind of a women’s thing. A spa thing, I think they said. I’m not sure what that entails but I think I heard the words “many petting” in there somewhere, so my thought is, it involves zoo animals somehow.
Anyway, that means I had to cover for Kathy at one of her jobs. Among her many other activities, she manages the pool and recreational facilities at our townhouse complex. (She’s always doing something productive or helpful.) So off I go to the pool. “No big deal,” I think to myself. “Just a quick chemical check, and I’m off to my office.” But when I arrived, I found a surprise. Covering the surface of the pool I found flies. Scads of flies. Gazillions of flies. It was a fly plague of biblical proportions–except they were only on the surface of the pool–so I guess it wasn’t. But still, there were a lot of flies.
Ever feel frustrated that what you are stuck doing is NOT what you should be doing? In this article written by Kurt from God Runninghe looks at how we are often frustrated by this, and how Jesus dealt with this very same thing.
Q: Will you tell us a little bit about your son, Caleb?
A: Caleb turned three on April 12, 2013. He gives the best hugs and kisses. He has a sweet personality. I truly think our dog Bella is his best friend in the world. And he really likes bubble gum. Though, I’ve had to restrict that now because I found it in, our daughter, Camden’s hair.
Q: What was it like when you first saw something a little different in Caleb?
A: He was about six months old and laying flat on the living room floor. I realized he wasn’t even trying to sit up or crawl. Speech wasn’t even on my radar. At that point, we were trying to fix all his motor issues, which were most important at that time. I began to get scared, thinking, “My kid is different. What’s not exactly right and how am I going to fix it?”
A: Caleb’s Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) diagnosed him with Apraxia on April 9, 2013. She showed me Caleb’s scores. There was so much he couldn’t say that was typical for his age. In that initial moment there’s no blame, it’s more, “Why? What?” But then as you start thinking more and more, you become obsessed. All of your thoughts are encompassed around, “What did I do to cause this?” Did I hold him too tightly as a baby? Did I take some kind of Tylenol or eat feta cheese while I was pregnant?
I was devastated … helpless. Caleb deserves everything and I can’t fix this for him. Then I became overwhelmed. I was realizing the journey was not going to be short-lived. This is going to be hard work. That night with Shaefer, I just sat on the couch and bawled. But my crying was followed by motivation. “Alright fine, you know what? I’m going to empower myself, learn everything about this. The kids are going to wake up in six hours. We’ve got to be ready.”
Q: Can you describe Caleb’s disorder?
A: It’s a neurological, expressive communication disorder. Basically, the brain is unable to tell the mouth/muscles how to move in order to form words. When Caleb wants to speak, his brain does not tell his mouth, tongue, lips, etc., how to move to make those sounds come out.
Q: After you discovered his disorder what did you do to assess that? Therapy? Related services?
A: Apraxia is commonly diagnosed (by a SLP trained in childhood Apraxia of Speech) at approximately three years of age. I’m finding that there aren’t a lot of professionals that are trained in this type of disorder. I’ve seen kids improve much faster with a therapist trained in Apraxia, as opposed to one that is not. Intensive speech therapy is typically required three to five times a week. Some go every day.
Caleb also has Developmental Delay, which is a gross and fine motor delay. So he has PT and OT for that. There is a relationship between motor delays and Apraxia, but researchers haven’t discovered why.
Q: You’re finding out, I understand, that there is not a lot of awareness for this disorder?
A: Yes. Even physicians or professionals in the Speech Language world haven’t heard of it. So that’s part of my role, advocating for it. It’s not easy. It’s time consuming.
Q: How did that change how you view all of this?
A: It was frustrating at first because you think, “Wait, my kid has something that nobody knows anything about!” Everybody acts like it’s this terrible thing, but that’s just from lack of awareness. There are few people out there with Apraxia knowledge and they are hard to find. It’s a daunting task to know that you’re the link to making your child functional in society.
Q: Were you ever angry? Angry in general? Angry at God?
A: I haven’t been. Or at least not long enough to dwell on it. In an early interview for a study at Vanderbilt I was asked, “Would I change this if I could? Would I take away his challenges?” I sat there and eventually said, “I don’t want my child to have this. I would love it if he didn’t. But no, I wouldn’t take it away. God is putting this in our lives for a reason.”
I have found myself angry at people who ignore him or treat him like he isn’t intelligent. They’re just not aware. They can’t see his disability for what it is. So I’ve made it my goal to try to empower them with knowledge. I love people knowing what his challenges are so they can understand him and support him. Labeling his challenge isn’t a problem. Labels help us know how to help.
The purpose of our struggle is so much bigger than us. Hundreds of people have already come into our lives because of this. These people see our good days or our bad days. Caleb isn’t the only one learning from this. Shaefer and I are learning, Camden is learning … everyone around us. Yes, I would take away his challenges, but I would not take away the lessons and the things that God is trying to teach us.
Q: Do you think this may have strengthened other areas of Caleb’s life that wouldn’t have been otherwise?
A: Caleb is constantly meeting a new therapist. At his school, there’s always a student coming in to work on something with a special needs child. They’re observing him, they’re talking to him, and they’re wanting to record the sounds he does make. Can he run? Can he jump?
I’ll take him to a kid’s birthday party from his class. He doesn’t want to sit with the group. He wants to look around, typically migrating by himself. Caleb can’t build relationships because others don’t understand him yet. I don’t think he’s introverted, I think he has to work his way into the group. He’s having to work on that almost daily.
So he’s constantly being tested or on the spot, which I think in the end will build character. He’s got to either choose to do what is before him or cower in the corner. It’s probably helping him overcome some social issues that may have been more prevalent, had he not had all these people in his life.
Q: I hear you saying, basically, he’s going to be really good under pressure in the long run?
A: Yes, because he’s constantly under it. He can choose to either be good under pressure or to crumble. And I don’t see him choosing to want to crumble.
Q: It sounds like he not only is good under pressure, but he will be really good at finding alternate routes to whatever end result he is pursuing?
A: Yeah, he does. When he tries to get me to, “Come Momma,” I sometimes think he’s saying, “Bubble gum, Momma.” I’ll respond, “No you can’t have bubble gum.” So he’ll grab me and pull me into the living room, which is what he wanted initially. He’s finding another method to get my attention, whereas he used to just walk away.
In the car today he was trying to tell me something. I had no idea what he was telling me. In the rear-view mirror, I saw it in his face when he gave up. There’s not a, “tell me in another way,” when you’re snapped into a car seat. It’s frustrating.
Q: What is the progress that you’ve seen?
A: According to research, it is going to take years to talk intelligibly. But he is making such great accomplishments. Since April 12, the day of his first Apraxia Speech Therapy, I’ve been there every day with him. I have a notebook that I keep of things the therapist does and says. I think his progress has improved because we’re now working with him at home, in the structured method. He’s putting these things together–consonant, vowel, consonant. He now has about 32 words, but most of them are approximations. On top of that, he knows about 150 signs, which is fantastic for him. He’s improving his sequencing. We probably have five new phrases just in the last month. The word “no” is very constant now. Which I’m realizing, how blessed was I because I had the only child that didn’t say, “no”?
I saw a Facebook posting, “Guess what my son did for Mother’s Day! He said, ‘I love you’ for the first time.” Though, I do want to hear that one day, I’d rather him be able to tell me what his favorite color is. We long for him to tell us something we don’t already know about him. That’s our desire.
Q: How has this affected your faith?
A: It pulled me closer to Him, honestly. I became more committed to my quiet times, getting back into The Word. I had to have Somebody that understood and loves me more than I love myself to make me stop blaming myself. I had to find something to power my energy into so that I wouldn’t focus on the wrong things. So I chose to focus on God. This isn’t about me. It’s so much bigger than me.
Q: How does this affect Caleb’s relationship with God?
A: I think Caleb feels God’s love through all the others’ around him loving him. I see these people giving him this special love that can only come from God. It’s almost as if it’s channeled down through them. Camden is getting that same exposure. But the only difference is that Caleb has extra people in his life working with him on his challenges, so there’s more opportunity for love.
Q: How has this changed you and/or your family?
A: Concerning Shaefer, he deals with this differently. After reading a lot of blogs, I realized that husbands can’t figure out why the mother is so bothered by it. It’s something they maybe think they can just fix. So, Shaefer and I had to come to an understanding that it affects me in more of an emotional way than him.
Concerning me, at first I wondered how other moms are busy with typical children. We have to go see the Developmental Pediatrician, his regular Pediatrician, his Speech Language Pathologist, run to an IFSP or IEP meeting, etc. That was maybe a bit of resentment, wondering why others have two typical children and I don’t. But by the grace of God I’m able to push those thoughts away.
Concerning Camden, we’ve tried to teach her that God made all of us all differently. If she sees someone in a wheel chair, hopefully we’ve instilled that this is the route God gave them to walk. They use that chair instead of their legs. But there’s nothing wrong with us for being different.
Q: How’s Caleb’s relationship with Camden?
A: She’s a super-supportive lil’ big sister. If he’s signing in the back seat while I’m driving, she communicates it. She tries to give him speech therapy. She’ll say, “If you say ‘candy’, I’ll give you some candy.” Knowing he can’t, but still trying. Of course she gives him candy in the end. It’s very sweet. I said that Bella’s his best friend but I think Camden is truly his best friend because she “gets” him.
Q: Has Camden ever said anything to you that really just struck you?
A: Her awareness of how much time having a special needs child takes was evident because she said to Shaefer’s Nana, “When Caleb can talk better and walk better Mommy will have more time for me.” This of course devastated me so I moved all of his therapies outside of the house. It was an internal struggle to figure out how to expose her less, but also teach her that this is how God made her brother. No matter how much I want to, I can’t shelter her from all of this. I want her to know so that she can tell others. Camden can be that voice for Caleb.
Q: What has God taught you conceptually as you reflect upon your experiences up until now?
A: Everybody has their own challenge. Ours happens to be a special needs child. But we’re not special because of that. Somebody else’s family may have the death of a loved one that haunts them. Another family may have someone who’s chronically sick or financial struggles. Whatever our challenges are, we deal with them. We learn from everybody’s challenges. That’s how we grow.
Q: That we’re not alone in our struggles?
A: Exactly. God gave us the verse, “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” [John16:33] He didn’t tell us this was going to be an easy life. But everything we have is a gift. Caleb and his challenges are a gift. Even though I don’t always view it that way, hopefully one day I will.
Q: Is there anything else you’d like to add? Anything toward awareness in general?
A: If you’re wondering about a child that seems different, or if you’re wondering what the braces are on Caleb’s feet/legs, just ask. It’s more beneficial to ask instead of wondering or judging. If you ask you’ll gain understanding and empower yourself with knowledge.
In my mind, I think Caleb will be “typical” one day. I don’t know if that’s false hope or if I haven’t mourned the loss of a typical child. Most likely Caleb will not live with us until he’s forty because he should be able to be functional in the world. So maybe I don’t have to mourn that. But in my mind, I’m mourning the loss of a typical boy who can tell me right now at three, “I want ice cream. I like chocolate, not vanilla, Momma.” I need to mourn some of those experiences.
Q: It almost seems like a daily acceptance?
A: That’s right. In my marriage, it’s a constant conscious effort to put Shaefer before me. He does the same thing so that’s why it works. Maybe with Caleb it needs to be a constant conscious effort to accept, learn, and empower. Because being sad, negative, or mourning is not helping him. BOO-YAH!
**A hearty “Boo-yah!” isn’t the “typical” response in any of the interviews I’ve conducted. However, of the many things I’ve learned from this extraordinary family, here’s one of them: do we really want to be “typical”? Probably not.
