“casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
This past weekend we spent some time with family who live on the water. Our whole family loves to visit for various reasons. My favorite place in this world is the beach and so I love going there. The kids love fishing off the dock. They catch and release little fish and love the experience. I’m excited that they are finally at a point where they can do everything themselves. They cut the bait; put it on the hook and fish away. They have even gotten to the point that they can get the caught fish off the hook and return him to his life under the sea. The other day I was sitting out there watching them while I read and prayed. I was actually praying and asking God to give me some devotionals for this week when my son came and asked me for help. He had tangled his line. This was no small tangle and he had tried to undo the mess, but he just couldn’t and came to me for help.
Now, I have to confess I was a smidge irritated. Here I was asking for some divine intervention so I could write a devotional and my son interrupts. I cut him some slack because he didn’t know what I was praying about or even that I was praying. As far as he was concerned, I was just watching them fish. But, I have to be honest when I say that I just didn’t want to be bothered. Well, being a Mom, I looked at his mess and started to access it. I quickly realized this was going to take some time. It was knotted in several places and I had to be careful the hook wouldn’t cut me. And so, carefully I started to unwind the fishing line. I was careful to see where each piece had knotted and wound around another pulling on the twine trying to make it straight again. It took a while and halfway through, my son came to me and made the comment, “I really made a mess of things. I don’t know if you can fix it.” I responded by saying “It’s okay honey. These things happen. I can fix it. Don’t worry.” Then he walked away and busied himself with something else while I worked on the fishing pole.
As this whole event was transpiring, I realized this was the devotional I was praying for. We make such a mess of our lives sometimes. We screw up, a lot. We make mistakes. We become tightly wound and knotted up in our own sin. But when we bring it to God, He doesn’t send us away to fix it ourselves. No, He gently starts to unravel the mess we have made. He doesn’t get tired of working on us because we are His passion. He wants us to be whole. He wants us to be healthy. He wants us to be okay. But He pushes Himself on no one. We have to be the ones to come to Him with the messes we have made so He can fix them. And just like a Mom trying to reassure her son, God reminds us that everything’s going to be okay. He can fix anything. Some messes take longer than others, but they can still be fixed.
I love that God delights in helping us. I love that God takes joy in fixing our messes. It’s not because He’s an arrogant God. It’s because it’s during those times of stress and screw ups that we finally realize we have come to the end of ourselves and we need a Savior. We need a Healer. We need a Provider. God is all of those things and He loves when we come to Him, hearts in hand asking to be fixed. He never does it begrudgingly. He always does it with love and compassion.
During this summer, I have spent some time clearing out a worship spot at my house in the back of our woods. I must say, I really enjoyed doing it. I wanted a spot that I could go and spend time with God in solitude. I gathered old down trees to use for seating, found various pieces of old furniture to place back there, and Tiki Torches to help keep away bugs. In the middle I built a good-sized fire pit for bonfires. The other evening I went out to that spot to spend some time with God. My brother was with me and we were trying to light the fire. The pit had quite a bit of wood in it so if we ever got it lit, it would be a very big and nice fire. The problem was we couldn’t get the fire lit. Granted the top pieces were a little wet, but the rest of the pile was dry, so we didn’t think it would be much of a problem. We had pieces of cardboard to help start the fire, but it didn’t work. We lit some of the dry leaves in the midst of the sticks, but it didn’t work either. We even found some straw to light to help with the process, but all it did was burn. It didn’t stay lit and the fire died quickly. So finally after much frustration, we got the gasoline. Now, I realize this is not the smartest choice nor safest, but I wanted a fire! Luckily nothing bad happened! So we light a few more pieces of cardboard and paper just enough to keep it a flame for a few minutes. Then we doused the places we didn’t have lit with some gasoline so with the fire caught it, it would light up. The finally we applied the gasoline on the flames that were going and instantly, the fire went ablaze. We experienced the thrill of getting our fire lit and the fire was glorious…for about ten minutes. But soon, that gasoline had burnt away, the wood had never really caught a flame, and the fire died out again quickly. Now I realize that there are better ways to light a fire, and if I did some other things I could have probably got that fire going. However, I’m glad I tried to light the fire the way I did because God used it to teach me something.
When the fire began to die out again, I was getting kind of irritated. Then I felt God speak to my heart saying, “I need people who will tend and stir the fire, not just light it.” I immediately knew what God was saying to me. In order to keep a fire going, you have to constantly add fire to the pile, you have to stir the fire to keep the fire going, and you have to watch it. Gasoline is a nice help, but it is only a temporary fix. It only lasts for a moment. It looks glorious and the flames are huge, but they don’t have much life. God doesn’t need followers who will be like the gasoline. Who will become very passionate and devoted to God one day, and have a devotion to Him that dies at the end of the week. He wants followers who will fan the flames. Who will keep the fire going, even if that means taking longer steps in doing so. Followers who will spend the extra time in prayer, reading of His Word, and living out the life He calls His people to.
I think you would be very hard pressed to find a church, if you asked them, would not want to see people come to know Christ. I mean, that’s just a ludicrous thought. The Church may have many different denomination and beliefs of theology, but I don’t really think there are many people in the Church who do not want to see souls saved. In fact if there are any, I really think those people need to evaluate their life and see if the are in step with the Spirit. But all too often the Church tries to witness to the world with gasoline. With big and glorious displays of various ministries, emotional appeals, etc. Those of you who serve the Lord know exactly what I’m talking about. But those things don’t last. People who come to the Lord on those terms won’t last unless that fire is cultivated. Unless their flames are stirred and wood is added to the fire. If the Church and Christians want to set this world on fire, we first have to cultivate the fire in our own hearts, then also be willing to take the time to minister properly and effectively to help keep the fire lit the hearts of others as well. Jesus told His followers that they will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon them and they will be His witnesses. The Holy Spirit gives Christians the power to witness to others about Jesus powerfully. God is the source of that fire. I pray that believers everywhere will submit to the Holy Spirit and allow God move in their hearts. I also pray that Christians all over the world will fan into flame the gifts of God and take the steps necessary to keep that flame going. When the fire rises true and proud, the world around us will catch fire too. Don’t use the gasoline. Cultivate that fire.
“Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands.” ~2 Timothy 1:6
“Fire must be kept burning on the altar continually; it must not go out.” ~Leviticus 6:13
I was thinking recently. Yeah, I know…amazing right?
No, but seriously. I was thinking about how people in the Church today will separate themselves completely from another Christian who commits or is trapped by sin. Or maybe they try to help, but instead just try to find the easy fix. I started thinking, “Well, that can’t be Biblical, can it? Jesus commands us to love one another and be unified in the Body of Christ. And that is true. I started reading Francis Chan’s book, Multiply. In that he said something that I already knew, but it was still just as profound. He said:
“Or when we learn that a friend is struggling with sin, we are quick to explain why that sin is harmful and tell her we will pray for her (whether we follow through or not). But how many of us would take her struggle with sin so seriously that we would walk with her as she works through the issues involved?”
Yes, the Bible is clear that sin needs to be corrected. But it doesn’t end there. We can’t “correct them” and then condemn them. You see, there’s a difference between judgement and correction. Judgment brings condemnation down on the person being judged. Correction is done out of love with the hope of redemption. It’s like a parent. They may spank their son or daughter for hitting someone. A good parent doesn’t spank out of anger. A loving parent will spank (or use other forms of discipline) out of love for the child and to correct a wrong behavior. But the parent continues with loving that child.
It’s the same way with Christians. Yes, we are to correct each other’s sinful behavior. But you had better do it purely out of love and you had better be willing to walk through the issue with them in order to bring them to redemption. I think part of the problem is that many believers don’t want to get “dirty.” They don’t want to be associated with someone who has a sin exposed to the public. It’s the same attitude some have towards non-believers. They don’t want to be seen with the “undesirables.” It might ruin their reputation. Then tell me, how are you supposed to evangelize and disciple them if you don’t associate with them? If they won’t come in to the church, you bring it to them. How can your Christian brother or sister be brought back to the cross if you want to find a quick fix or just blow them off completely? Galatians 6:1-2 says:
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Carry each other’s burdens. That will likely require you to be seen with the “undesirable.” But the attitude I mentioned above is exactly the attitude the Pharisees had. Did you know Jesus had more of problem with the “religious” people than he did with the sinners?
It’s time we get over ourselves and be willing to walk through thick and thin with our fellow believers.
Q: Will you tell us a little bit about your son, Caleb?
A: Caleb turned three on April 12, 2013. He gives the best hugs and kisses. He has a sweet personality. I truly think our dog Bella is his best friend in the world. And he really likes bubble gum. Though, I’ve had to restrict that now because I found it in, our daughter, Camden’s hair.
Q: What was it like when you first saw something a little different in Caleb?
A: He was about six months old and laying flat on the living room floor. I realized he wasn’t even trying to sit up or crawl. Speech wasn’t even on my radar. At that point, we were trying to fix all his motor issues, which were most important at that time. I began to get scared, thinking, “My kid is different. What’s not exactly right and how am I going to fix it?”
A: Caleb’s Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) diagnosed him with Apraxia on April 9, 2013. She showed me Caleb’s scores. There was so much he couldn’t say that was typical for his age. In that initial moment there’s no blame, it’s more, “Why? What?” But then as you start thinking more and more, you become obsessed. All of your thoughts are encompassed around, “What did I do to cause this?” Did I hold him too tightly as a baby? Did I take some kind of Tylenol or eat feta cheese while I was pregnant?
I was devastated … helpless. Caleb deserves everything and I can’t fix this for him. Then I became overwhelmed. I was realizing the journey was not going to be short-lived. This is going to be hard work. That night with Shaefer, I just sat on the couch and bawled. But my crying was followed by motivation. “Alright fine, you know what? I’m going to empower myself, learn everything about this. The kids are going to wake up in six hours. We’ve got to be ready.”
Q: Can you describe Caleb’s disorder?
A: It’s a neurological, expressive communication disorder. Basically, the brain is unable to tell the mouth/muscles how to move in order to form words. When Caleb wants to speak, his brain does not tell his mouth, tongue, lips, etc., how to move to make those sounds come out.
Q: After you discovered his disorder what did you do to assess that? Therapy? Related services?
A: Apraxia is commonly diagnosed (by a SLP trained in childhood Apraxia of Speech) at approximately three years of age. I’m finding that there aren’t a lot of professionals that are trained in this type of disorder. I’ve seen kids improve much faster with a therapist trained in Apraxia, as opposed to one that is not. Intensive speech therapy is typically required three to five times a week. Some go every day.
Caleb also has Developmental Delay, which is a gross and fine motor delay. So he has PT and OT for that. There is a relationship between motor delays and Apraxia, but researchers haven’t discovered why.
Q: You’re finding out, I understand, that there is not a lot of awareness for this disorder?
A: Yes. Even physicians or professionals in the Speech Language world haven’t heard of it. So that’s part of my role, advocating for it. It’s not easy. It’s time consuming.
Q: How did that change how you view all of this?
A: It was frustrating at first because you think, “Wait, my kid has something that nobody knows anything about!” Everybody acts like it’s this terrible thing, but that’s just from lack of awareness. There are few people out there with Apraxia knowledge and they are hard to find. It’s a daunting task to know that you’re the link to making your child functional in society.
Q: Were you ever angry? Angry in general? Angry at God?
A: I haven’t been. Or at least not long enough to dwell on it. In an early interview for a study at Vanderbilt I was asked, “Would I change this if I could? Would I take away his challenges?” I sat there and eventually said, “I don’t want my child to have this. I would love it if he didn’t. But no, I wouldn’t take it away. God is putting this in our lives for a reason.”
I have found myself angry at people who ignore him or treat him like he isn’t intelligent. They’re just not aware. They can’t see his disability for what it is. So I’ve made it my goal to try to empower them with knowledge. I love people knowing what his challenges are so they can understand him and support him. Labeling his challenge isn’t a problem. Labels help us know how to help.
The purpose of our struggle is so much bigger than us. Hundreds of people have already come into our lives because of this. These people see our good days or our bad days. Caleb isn’t the only one learning from this. Shaefer and I are learning, Camden is learning … everyone around us. Yes, I would take away his challenges, but I would not take away the lessons and the things that God is trying to teach us.
Q: Do you think this may have strengthened other areas of Caleb’s life that wouldn’t have been otherwise?
A: Caleb is constantly meeting a new therapist. At his school, there’s always a student coming in to work on something with a special needs child. They’re observing him, they’re talking to him, and they’re wanting to record the sounds he does make. Can he run? Can he jump?
I’ll take him to a kid’s birthday party from his class. He doesn’t want to sit with the group. He wants to look around, typically migrating by himself. Caleb can’t build relationships because others don’t understand him yet. I don’t think he’s introverted, I think he has to work his way into the group. He’s having to work on that almost daily.
So he’s constantly being tested or on the spot, which I think in the end will build character. He’s got to either choose to do what is before him or cower in the corner. It’s probably helping him overcome some social issues that may have been more prevalent, had he not had all these people in his life.
Q: I hear you saying, basically, he’s going to be really good under pressure in the long run?
A: Yes, because he’s constantly under it. He can choose to either be good under pressure or to crumble. And I don’t see him choosing to want to crumble.
Q: It sounds like he not only is good under pressure, but he will be really good at finding alternate routes to whatever end result he is pursuing?
A: Yeah, he does. When he tries to get me to, “Come Momma,” I sometimes think he’s saying, “Bubble gum, Momma.” I’ll respond, “No you can’t have bubble gum.” So he’ll grab me and pull me into the living room, which is what he wanted initially. He’s finding another method to get my attention, whereas he used to just walk away.
In the car today he was trying to tell me something. I had no idea what he was telling me. In the rear-view mirror, I saw it in his face when he gave up. There’s not a, “tell me in another way,” when you’re snapped into a car seat. It’s frustrating.
Q: What is the progress that you’ve seen?
A: According to research, it is going to take years to talk intelligibly. But he is making such great accomplishments. Since April 12, the day of his first Apraxia Speech Therapy, I’ve been there every day with him. I have a notebook that I keep of things the therapist does and says. I think his progress has improved because we’re now working with him at home, in the structured method. He’s putting these things together–consonant, vowel, consonant. He now has about 32 words, but most of them are approximations. On top of that, he knows about 150 signs, which is fantastic for him. He’s improving his sequencing. We probably have five new phrases just in the last month. The word “no” is very constant now. Which I’m realizing, how blessed was I because I had the only child that didn’t say, “no”?
I saw a Facebook posting, “Guess what my son did for Mother’s Day! He said, ‘I love you’ for the first time.” Though, I do want to hear that one day, I’d rather him be able to tell me what his favorite color is. We long for him to tell us something we don’t already know about him. That’s our desire.
Q: How has this affected your faith?
A: It pulled me closer to Him, honestly. I became more committed to my quiet times, getting back into The Word. I had to have Somebody that understood and loves me more than I love myself to make me stop blaming myself. I had to find something to power my energy into so that I wouldn’t focus on the wrong things. So I chose to focus on God. This isn’t about me. It’s so much bigger than me.
Q: How does this affect Caleb’s relationship with God?
A: I think Caleb feels God’s love through all the others’ around him loving him. I see these people giving him this special love that can only come from God. It’s almost as if it’s channeled down through them. Camden is getting that same exposure. But the only difference is that Caleb has extra people in his life working with him on his challenges, so there’s more opportunity for love.
Q: How has this changed you and/or your family?
A: Concerning Shaefer, he deals with this differently. After reading a lot of blogs, I realized that husbands can’t figure out why the mother is so bothered by it. It’s something they maybe think they can just fix. So, Shaefer and I had to come to an understanding that it affects me in more of an emotional way than him.
Concerning me, at first I wondered how other moms are busy with typical children. We have to go see the Developmental Pediatrician, his regular Pediatrician, his Speech Language Pathologist, run to an IFSP or IEP meeting, etc. That was maybe a bit of resentment, wondering why others have two typical children and I don’t. But by the grace of God I’m able to push those thoughts away.
Concerning Camden, we’ve tried to teach her that God made all of us all differently. If she sees someone in a wheel chair, hopefully we’ve instilled that this is the route God gave them to walk. They use that chair instead of their legs. But there’s nothing wrong with us for being different.
Q: How’s Caleb’s relationship with Camden?
A: She’s a super-supportive lil’ big sister. If he’s signing in the back seat while I’m driving, she communicates it. She tries to give him speech therapy. She’ll say, “If you say ‘candy’, I’ll give you some candy.” Knowing he can’t, but still trying. Of course she gives him candy in the end. It’s very sweet. I said that Bella’s his best friend but I think Camden is truly his best friend because she “gets” him.
Q: Has Camden ever said anything to you that really just struck you?
A: Her awareness of how much time having a special needs child takes was evident because she said to Shaefer’s Nana, “When Caleb can talk better and walk better Mommy will have more time for me.” This of course devastated me so I moved all of his therapies outside of the house. It was an internal struggle to figure out how to expose her less, but also teach her that this is how God made her brother. No matter how much I want to, I can’t shelter her from all of this. I want her to know so that she can tell others. Camden can be that voice for Caleb.
Q: What has God taught you conceptually as you reflect upon your experiences up until now?
A: Everybody has their own challenge. Ours happens to be a special needs child. But we’re not special because of that. Somebody else’s family may have the death of a loved one that haunts them. Another family may have someone who’s chronically sick or financial struggles. Whatever our challenges are, we deal with them. We learn from everybody’s challenges. That’s how we grow.
Q: That we’re not alone in our struggles?
A: Exactly. God gave us the verse, “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” [John16:33] He didn’t tell us this was going to be an easy life. But everything we have is a gift. Caleb and his challenges are a gift. Even though I don’t always view it that way, hopefully one day I will.
Q: Is there anything else you’d like to add? Anything toward awareness in general?
A: If you’re wondering about a child that seems different, or if you’re wondering what the braces are on Caleb’s feet/legs, just ask. It’s more beneficial to ask instead of wondering or judging. If you ask you’ll gain understanding and empower yourself with knowledge.
In my mind, I think Caleb will be “typical” one day. I don’t know if that’s false hope or if I haven’t mourned the loss of a typical child. Most likely Caleb will not live with us until he’s forty because he should be able to be functional in the world. So maybe I don’t have to mourn that. But in my mind, I’m mourning the loss of a typical boy who can tell me right now at three, “I want ice cream. I like chocolate, not vanilla, Momma.” I need to mourn some of those experiences.
Q: It almost seems like a daily acceptance?
A: That’s right. In my marriage, it’s a constant conscious effort to put Shaefer before me. He does the same thing so that’s why it works. Maybe with Caleb it needs to be a constant conscious effort to accept, learn, and empower. Because being sad, negative, or mourning is not helping him. BOO-YAH!
**A hearty “Boo-yah!” isn’t the “typical” response in any of the interviews I’ve conducted. However, of the many things I’ve learned from this extraordinary family, here’s one of them: do we really want to be “typical”? Probably not.
I was brought up with a Mum and Dad who loved God.
Being the youngest of five, (I had twin sisters but sadly one died of TB when she was only one year old) I guess things monetary wise were a bit stretched, but we certainly never went without the essentials and we certainly had plenty of love handed out liberally, especially by my hard-working and devoted Mum.
BUT
That didn’t stop us going off the rails – (well the boys that is) unfortunately when we became of age and even had families of our own, the world and it’s lures were all too much and even though I personally put on the face of a Christian and did all the ‘Christian” things – I was far off from the Lord.
But Mum and Dad kept on praying for us – determined and sure that God would bring us back to Him.
Personally for me their prayers have been answered.
Dad died in 1998 and our Dear Mum passed away in 2000. Before they died they both recorded a message to us from “beyond the grave” sort of thing and re-listening to them again recently I was staggered at Mum’s simple yet solid faith in God – determined that her sons would come back to the Lord.
She says at some point that she has never stopped praying for us even before we were born. And in another part that “It doesn’t matter if Dad and I don’t see it for we have prayed fervently for you all.”
Well I’m afraid they didn’t see it – But I know that one day we will ALL meet around the throne of God in unity and love of our Lord and Saviour.
Here is a transcript of her message – I pray that you will be blessed as you read it as I was to hear it.
The prayers of a faithful Mum and Dad for their kids is awesome in it’s simplicity and mighty in it’s outcome – Praise God.
(From my Mum)
As my Savior has said – Weep not for me for I have only gone ahead to rest and wait for you in a place where there is no more pain or loss.
My children, when you were under our care your Dad and I endeavoured under the scant knowledge that was ours to show you that God has an infinite plan for us.
That plan of God’s was to bring home to us the amazing power and love that is available to anyone who has surrendered their hearts and love to the guidance and teaching of the Holy Spirit which is the gift from God to those, when in faith believe in the hearts and confess with their mouths that Jesus is the Messiah, died to pay the price of our sins and that He rose again.
I tried to teach you of The advantages of a committed life, of the security we have knowing that what ever happens we are the children of the Almighty God and nothing can separate us from Him – we have someone to go to when we are in trouble – and who isn’t in this sad world of ours.
Our God is a prayer answering and miracle working God – how many times have we proven that – over and over again.
He has promised never to fail or forsake those who put their trust in Him.
Sin unconfessed is the only thing that can disturb that relationship which exists between man and His maker for sin uncovered by the sacrifice of the Son of God CANNOT, literally CANNOT, exist in the presence of the glory and holiness of the Father.
So that those who have not come in faith to the Father find that sin puts a barrier between them.
Sin estranges God and Man – for the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ happened only that man may be restored to the relationship that should exist between the creature and his creator.
Gods greatest miracle is not the creation of the world, the suspension of the sun, the ceaselessness of the tide, Gods greatest miracle is the salvation of the human soul that all people should be saved and is unwilling that any should be lost and He has bound up the salvation of men and women with the prayerful ministry of his own people.
There is no doubt that the prayers for the salvation of others are well within the will of God. Your Dad and I have prayed fervently for the salvation of all our family – and this type of prayer is never in doubt and being the will of God shall in is own good time be fulfilled.
It doesn’t matter if your Dad and I don’t see it, for we have prayed for you all and these are just some of these promises we have held for you all.
Isaiah 54:13 That you all will be “taught of the Lord” and great will be your peace.
Psalm 119:11 That you all will “hide God’s word in your hearts.”
Colossians 1:9 That God will fill you all with the knowledge of His will so that you can walk in a way that’s pleasing to Him and that your lives will bear fruit.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 That your hearts will trust in the Lord and not lean on your own understanding
Psalm 5:12 That God’s favour will surround you all like a shield.
I can assure you, my children, that you were prayed for and committed unto the Lord before you were born- the Grandchildren also – and Gods promises are true.
The salvation of a soul is a mighty BIG undertaking for it just doesn’t include cleansing from sin but a full commitment of a life to God’s will and the receiving of a place in the family of God and the freely given gift of a life everlasting to Christians of all ages – there is no generation gap here – and also the presence of our beloved Lord Himself.
No one can be saved unless they are convicted or conscious of sin and when that consciousness of sin is present the way is opened to bring that one to the feet of the Saviour.
To confess and repent, that is being sorry for sins committed, and being determined to turn to Christs way of living will enable us to partake freely of the peace, joy and love that can be found in this earth.
Turning from sin and trusting Jesus also includes safety and perfection in the next world when our Lords presents us faultless before the presence of His Father and ours.
Now I know we have enjoyed a happy life together in spite of troubles that may have sunk the ship, but we also shared the gift of laughter, a sense of fun, of little private jokes as well as tears and I am very pleased to have loved you all and I am so looking forward to a wonderful reunion with you ALL in our Lord’s good time.
Your dad and I praying that you all will see the value of sins forgiven, a walk in a plain path, and a keeping in a world of sorrow and danger.
May God bless you all my darlings from the eldest to the youngest child and may He give through you the answer to our continual prayer.
Will the circle be unbroken? – God grant that it may – see you in the morning – Love you – Mum.
“…Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?” (1Cor. 5:6)
Today during breakfast, my son asked an interesting question. He asked if he had to confess his sins to his parents, or could he just confess them to God. We explained that he only had to tell God, but our curiosity was peaked so we asked what he did. He proceeded to say that he wasn’t sure if it was a sin but that he ate a piece of food that landed on the floor. He explained that it was on the floor for less than five seconds, so he wasn’t sure if that counted as being too dirty to eat. Well, we laughed and explained that it wasn’t a sin to eat off the floor. It was just gross. Then my husband said…”oh I feel a blog coming on!” So, here I am writing a blog about it. His question actually sparked a great discussion about sin and that it’s not so much the act, but that it keeps us from hitting the mark God has set for us. If we sway to the right or to the left even just a little, we can go off the course God has put us on. It turned out to be a great life lesson.
So, I’ve been thinking about his question. Is it okay to eat off of the floor if the food has only been there for 5 seconds or less? Is it okay to sin if it’s only for a short time? Is there such a thing as a little sin? You know, maybe it is okay for him to eat off the floor just this once. But what if it happens again? I think he will be more likely to eat off the floor more easily the next time. The first time it’s a little gross. But the second time isn’t so gross. The idea of it being gross fades and so he does it again. What if this time the food is there for longer than 5 seconds? Does it taste any different? Is there a new level of grossness that has been reached? I would say probably not. If it’s acceptable to eat under the 5 seconds, then a few more seconds won’t matter. If he continues in this pattern, he will be eating food off the floor that has been allowed to sit longer and longer. He will keep pushing the envelope and before you know it he will want to eat his meals off the floor. That’s how sin is. It starts off small and grows.
Yesterday, while sitting in Starbucks, a friend and I witnessed someone backing up and hitting a car parked on the side of the road. Then the driver drove off. He didn’t leave his phone number with an apology. He just got out of there quickly. I couldn’t believe it. My friend called it. She knew he would just drive away. In attempt to impose justice, I took down his tag number and we left it on the car that was hit. My point is this, just because he didn’t take responsibility doesn’t mean he didn’t hit the car. In the same way, just because no one saw us sin doesn’t mean it isn’t sin. Just because no one can read our thoughts, doesn’t mean that we our thoughts aren’t sinful. We really need to come before the Lord and ask for a sensitive spirit. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to convict us. If we don’t, what seems menial will grow to something out of control. Something that started as a sinful thought will take over our lives if we are not careful. Then we will be sitting on the floor eating dirty food wondering how we ended up there.
This was a great lesson for my whole family this morning. My son, who makes me laugh daily because he is such a kid, reminded me that sin, even in the smallest form is still sin. He reminded me that I am never above the ability to sin. And even when no one is looking, my sin is still seen by the One who matters. He reminded me that sin left unchecked will turn into a more grievous sin, eventually. And that it is not being legalistic to be careful about sin. It is honoring to God to remember that the enemy is always trying to trip me up. It starts in the mind and moves into actions. It was a great reminder to me today that I need to have a healthy respect for God’s commands and keep them. Finally, I have learned that eating food off the floor, even if it has only been there for 5 seconds is still gross!!
Amazing and extraordinary things happen to all of us through our journey here on earth; some very good and some very very bad.
In January this year I wrote a blog entitled “Consequences”. In that blog I fictionalised a story set in World War 2 – a story where our hero or anti-hero killed a man who was looting from his friends home during the blitz.
It wasn’t until the man actually came face to face with an encounter with God that he realised his need of forgiveness and ‘owned-up’ to his crime
The consequences of our past sins, although forgiven by God can still have far-reaching effects on our lives as well as those who may have been hurt in the process.
In this blog I would like to relate the true story of George Anderson Hopper and where I will not dwell on the “consequences” of sin, I would like to emphasise the utter forgiveness of our gracious and merciful Lord; also try to come to terms with the age old question “where was God in all of this?”
George Anderson Hopper was born on the 10th June, 1955 and was executed by lethal injection on 8th March, 2005 in Huntsville, Texas for the murder-for-hire of 33 year old Ms Rozanne Gailiunas.
Hopper was sentenced to death in 1988 for the October 1983 murder of Ms Gailinuas who at 33 was the mother of a 4 year old son.
Ms Gailinuas was found still alive by her young son, but died two days after being admitted to hospital.
Hopper was ‘hired’ to kill Ms Gailinuas by William Garland who had been paid $5,000 by Dallas socialite Joy David Aylor whose husband Larry was allegedly planning to marry Ms Gailinuas and had filed for divorce from his wife.
Mrs Aylor who was ultimately convicted of capital murder in 1994 and who is now serving a life sentence.
Hopper’s life and the tragic events leading up to and after the murder of Ms Gailinuas has been the subject of two book and a tele-movie but they don’t tell of his obvious conversion to Christianity at sometime during his time on death row.
After searching the net and pouring over heaps of information on Hopper, the only evidence I have of a changed life of this man is in his final words before the lethal injection did it’s work.
His final words as he lay on the table that day in 2005 were and I quote:-
“I want to apologize to you, and I am sorry, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. The things I did changed so many lives. I can’t take it back, it was an atrocity. I am sorry. I beg your forgiveness, I know I am not worthy of it. I love you Mom and Dad, and all my family. Thank you for everything. Jesus, thank you for your love and saving grace. Thank you for shedding your blood on Calvary for me. Thank you Jesus for the love you have shown me.” (http://222.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/dr_info/hoppergeorgelast.html)
Obviously some unknown person has shared the gospel with this guy and obviously he has made a commitment to Christ. From his last words it would appear that he had accepted Jesus as his Saviour and Lord.
Against all odds, this man who was so vicious; so hard; so calculating; so cruel as to murder this young woman and mother of a 4 year old child, in such an horrendous manner, had been touched by the hand of Jesus even as he sat in death row in that jail in Huntsville Texas.
We will never understand exactly how God works and how exactly this man had been changed, or for that matter who it was that brought the good news into that jail for him to hear.
What we do know is that if he was sincere in his repentance and acceptance of Jesus as Lord, then he would have been forgiven his sins for as it says in John 6:37b “….and he who comes to me I will in no wise cast out”
So glad that this verse is in the Bible because there have been many times that I failed our Lord so miserably.
There have been times when I have honestly come to Him wondering how and why He could ever forgive me.
Hopper was a wicked and vile sinner who deserved nothing from God or man BUT aren’t we all?
God was merciful to Hopper even after all of what he did – Yes, he still had to pay the consequences of his sin as we all do and yes, his life was forfeit here on earth according to Texan law; but God says “I will in no wise cast out”. Full stop. Thank you Lord for that full stop because there was no “unless” after it.
There are no conditions put on coming to Christ; no provisos; nothing we can do; we just come to Him, repent and accept His gracious gift.
So if I come to Jesus; He will not cast me out. Hopper came to Jesus and I am sure that Jesus, true to His word would not cast Him out.
All of salvation is GRACE . It is the GRACE that God chose to save the ungodly; it is GRACE that Jesus came to earth to secure our salvation by dying at Calvary, and it is GRACE that changes stony old hearts to hearts of flesh; all through the power of the Holy Spirit.
It is only through the Holy Spirit that we can come to Jesus at all. It was only through that same Spirit that Hopper came to Jesus too.
The Bible makes that perfectly clear in 1 Corinthians 12: 3 it says:- “Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, ‘Jesus be cursed,’ and no one can say ‘Jesus is Lord,’ except by the Holy Spirit.”
So George Anderson Hopper, convicted murderer was led by the Spirit to proclaim that Jesus is Lord and he had accepted Him to be his Saviour before his execution date on 8th March, 2005.
Amazing news, incredible and awesome – everybody, no matter who we are or what we have done can come to Jesus, repent of our sins and claim forgiveness through the blood of His sacrifice.
But what about Hopper’s innocent victim, Rozanne Gailiunas, her young son and her family and extended family?
Where was God in all of that; where was He when she was dying an horrific death?
It is so hard for us to get our minds around this eternal question!
What about the parents who pray and pray for the sick child and yet their child never gets well; how about broken relationships that never come back together; how about businesses that fail; and how about horrendous murders like Rozanne’s?
Life, it seems is just made up of tribulations and trials of every sort; situations completely out of control; completely out of left wing; everything going pear-shaped; Where is God?
There are some things that we will never understand; there are some things about God’s will that we will never understand.
But, what God does do through our trials is to give us a perspective as to how to handle our situation when bad things happen.
What would it be like if my greatest crisis become my greatest opportunity; not so much in the crisis itself but in my very life?
What if a miracle took place through my crisis? Again, not so much in the actual crisis, but in me?
What if God used my crisis as a blessing to others and in so doing became a blessing to me also? In other words what if the Miracle in the crisis was ME?
I wonder what it would be like to seize the opportunity of my crisis to actually SEE God’s glory?
After all of that I still have no idea How Rozanne’s family and extended family coped with that tragedy; or for that matter where they all stood with God.
All I know is whatever happens, our God is just and merciful and whatever he decides will be fair and accurate.
So when things go pear-shaped, frustrating and confusing; I wonder if it would be possible to seize the opportunity to see the potential to trust in Jesus more instead of blaming Him for whatever it is that is sinking our ship.
Thinking like that makes me wonder; just maybe our greatest set-backs may become our greatest building blocks to a miraculous and super natural relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Hebrews 2:2-4: “For since the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. This salvations, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.”
You know, today people are looking for an escape. I have no doubt that many are seeking God out of the deepest and darkest pits of their life. And others are looking for something else. They’re turning to idols and those idols will never satisfy them. They’ll never comfort them.
I have friends of mine that are in this boat that the verses above mention. They want to serve Jesus. I have no doubt about that. The problem is that they are missing, or rather ignoring the escape or the salvation that Jesus is extending to them. It’s frustrating because they want to do what is right. They want to get rid of their idols and follow Jesus with everything they are, but they just can’t seem to. As soon as something comes along they decided to put God on the back burner. It’s grievous to me. How can they escape if they ignore such a great salvation? They can’t. Jesus is the only Way out. God isn’t something we run to when our boyfriend or girlfriend other cheats on us. He isn’t something we run to when things don’t go our way. And He’s not something we run to when tragedy strikes. He should be our life. We shouldn’t be able to function properly without first seeking the Lord. Yeah, you’ll have to dump some things you might enjoy. But it’s so worth it.
If you find yourself in this situation, I urge you to come to your senses. God is extending his beautiful grace to you. All you have to do is take it. Surrender your life to Christ completely because he bought you with his life. You will either be a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness. You pick.
If you will please join me in praying for those friends I mentioned. I pray that anyone who reads this is just solidified in the faith. I pray that if you are going back and forth with God, you stop and surrender to Him. You’re fighting a losing battle if you don’t
God bless!
-Austin
P.S. Sorry for not being able to post much lately. School is in the process of rapping up (just six days left!) for the summer and I have been busy with other obligations. I’m so grateful God has given you to me as an audience so that I may bring His Word to you.
I’ve been spending a lot of time on my back porch lately. The cooler weather makes the screened porch a perfect place for me to reflect and pray. I love to sit out there and write enjoying the sounds of the birds singing and watching the squirrels hop through the yard. It is so peaceful. I find myself daydreaming about how I would love to improve the back yard. I’d love to plant roses along the back fence. There is a lot of painting to do. The workshop needs some repair. I spend time thinking about what I would do if I only had the time and the money. The task seems overwhelming but I have to start somewhere, so I decided to start on the porch.
I took a deep breath and looked around to decide where I would begin this mammoth job. There is a piece of trim hanging from the ceiling that needs to be replaced. It has bothered me forever and was marked as water damaged wood when we moved in. So, this weekend, I decided I would replace it, prime it and begin the painting process. I climbed up the stepladder in order to detach the piece of trim and what I found was water damage. As I tugged on the wood, I realized it had come loose because there was nothing for it to grip to. The wood underneath had rotted causing the trim to hang down. Being the curious one, I started removing the rest of the fascia so I could see the extent of the damage. What I found were several pieces of wood in one area with water damage. They had begun to rot away.
As I looked at the mess of our roof, I thought about my heart. Today I read this. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” (Matthew 23:27-28 NIV). Those are some harsh words given by Jesus to the Pharisees. But I have to say, it spoke to my heart. Over the last week I have spent several days and sleepless nights asking the Lord to examine my heart. You see, there was this area that just wasn’t right. I was becoming increasingly frustrated and was blaming the circumstances instead of looking at my heart. It was like that piece of wood hanging down. It was ugly and annoying but I just pushed it aside and ignored it instead of fixing it.
Unfortunately for me, once I tugged a bit, I realized behind it all was a heart that had not forgiven. Instead of dealing with the issues, I pushed them aside unwilling to confess and seek forgiveness. I had piled each offense on top of the last thinking I was doing the right thing. But instead, I became angry. Last week, my heart was exposed and what I saw was ugly. It was unforgiveness left to fester and it was rotting away.
That piece of wood hanging down in my porch fell down because there was nothing for it to hold on to. The board it was attached to had rotted away. Rotting often starts on the inside and works its way out. My heart is like that. I had held in all that had upset me instead of laying it all before the Lord. Because I didn’t bring my heart before the Lord, unforgiveness crept in. It grew and took over causing my actions and attitudes to be tainted.
All week long I have gone before the Lord seeking forgiveness and repenting of my sin. I am starting to see things more clearly. I have a long way to go but exposing my heart is the first step. And I have to say, I feel much relief and freedom. I can’t explain it, but it just feels good to be out from under that pile of hurt. There is a lot of work to do on the porch. There is much work to be done on my heart. Revealing the rotten parts was just the beginning. Now the work of removal and repair begins. Who would have thought a little piece of wood could expose so much.
WOW! Mysteries – I love em!! – Well sometimes anyway – I must admit that the mysteries of the computer make me frustrated, angry and despairing!!
But other mysteries well that’s another matter; the mystery of creation; the universe; the gobsmacking splendour of the galaxy; the rainbows; the beauty of the sunrise; the stillness of star studded skies in the wilderness, all of these can leave me breathless with heaps of unanswered questions…
There is one mystery though that I will never get my head around – and I reckon it is the GREATEST mystery of all time!!
How God saved me is one HUGE mystery and one which I will eternally grateful for.
The plan of salvation is the mystery of mysteries and shows a love that is beyond our minds to comprehend.
God paid the price for my salvation – He took me to be His prize!! Me! that is a mystery that I cannot understand.
I had nothing; proud; deceitful; jealous; I could sin and feel no compunction; hear of my guilt and remain unhumbled. Then Jesus came!
He changed my life and where I was only ever out to make life better for me, whatever the cost, He made me realise that I was bound to sin; a slave to sin; I was in chains and didn’t realise it.
If we come to Jesus, we need to come bearing no gifts; there is nothing we can bring to Him; we owe everything to Him; how then can we bring anything to Him?
It is only through his grace that we can come anywhere near him at all.
Jesus is the King of the dependent: King of the despised; King of the weak; King of the left-outs and King of the hated!
Hated? – Yes Hated; we will be hated by others if we make a stand for Jesus. Left out? Yes certainly we will be left out; not part of the crowd; even despised.
The world at large will not take too kindly to us telling them about the only way to enrich their lives for eternity is to accept the invitation that Jesus brings; Why?
Because to come to Jesus we have to empty ourselves of all we have; we need to be totally dependent on Him bringing our sins; our past; our everything and laying them at the foot of the cross.
We need to leave behind the things of earth; and not place importance on the things that really don’t matter. That was one BIG lesson I had to learn – Jesus died for us just as we are.
When He died on the cross, He took my sins up there with Him; when He died so did I in a way; died to sin; I became bound to Jesus through His death when I accepted the gift of freedom that He offered me.
The old life I had is gone – Now I have to rely solely on Him.
I don’t know what mysteries lie ahead; have no idea, really what eternity will be like; death doesn’t scare me but it is a mystery – an amazing mystery and one where I can be assured of God’s amazing promises that where He is I will be also.
I have no idea what lies ahead of me; what trials; what tribulations; what joy; what pain – but I do know whatever happens, Jesus goes before me anyway.
There is nothing that I could possibly go through that he hasn’t been there before me; and that He has promised to be with me through everything that happens.
My life is bound up in Jesus – My whole life is in Him.
The very same power that resurrected Jesus; that rolled the stone away; that killed death, is the very same power that saved me and brought me to life with Him.
Jesus paid the price for you and me. His blood bought us life.
When we are weak, then we are strong; God can’t use us when we are proud, haughty and full of our own importance. We need to be totally broken in front of Him; totally dependent on Him; giving Him the glory in everything we do.
Glorifying God is when we see God as more important than anything else we are doing or what or who is in our lives.
It is only when we humble ourselves to the His will and let the Holy Spirit infill us will be be even remotely able to kneel before a Holy God.
We have to come to a point in our lives where we realise that can do nothing on our own; all power comes from God.
We can hold nothing back thinking that God can do so much and we can do the rest; we have nothing with which to come to God save his miraculous grace by which we are saved.
It is only when we come to that realisation that He will lift us up and see us through the sacrifice of Jesus; see us washed and clean; free of sin.
